Good News! New and Alternative Beatitudes from the CODJT

Our satiric commentary concludes… Senator Lindsey Graham and other cardinals of the new Church of Donald J. Trump come bearing good news:  There are New Beatitudes in town (the old ones clearly are so passe and have been practiced so frequently that they are worn down and beyond usefulness).  Having been blessed with “alternative facts,” surely we are ready for alternative beatitudes.

Correction to the Beatitudes. Anonymous meme on

Following are very special Beatitudes of the Church of Donald J. Trump  (they are more than those of Jesus, but what did Jesus know anyway?),

Blessed are the rich for they will be assured tax relief and the poor and middle class will make up for the government losses.   

Blessed are the powerful for they can make laws that guarantee they get their way including buying politicians and judges to enforce the laws they make.

Blessed are those who lie publicly at rallies and in the media when they lose elections by 7 million votes, for the truth will never catch up with them.

Blessed is he who whips up angry mobs to interfere with electoral counting in the nation’s capitol that results in 7 deaths, for he will be exonerated.

Satellite image of “Winter Storm Uri” over the Eastern United States on February 16, 2021. Photo by NASA EOSDIS Worldview on Wikimedia Commons.

Blessed are those who deny climate change, for their grandchildren and great, great grandchildren will deal with the rising seas, increased hurricanes and wild fires and migrations that follow.

Blessed are those who pursue oil and gas development everywhere, for their stockholders will become rich.

Blessed are those who burn up rainforests, for who needs healthy air anyway?

Blessed are those who  can live in penthouses with golden toilets and air conditioners that clean the air that is killing others, for they know so well the suffering of others.

Blessed are the violent, for they will get their way.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is photographed taking his family to Cancun, Mexico, while Texans freeze without power in the aftermath of winter storm Uri. Uploaded to YouTube by Forbes Breaking News

Blessed are the hypocrites, for they will always succeed in keeping power.

Blessed are those who believe all men are empowered to tell women what to do with their bodies, for they will be rewarded with abortions only for the rich and famous.

Blessed are those who hate liberals and democrats for they will win elections and get good paying jobs at Fox and Breitbart and Rushland radio stations.

Blessed are those who have left their consciences at the door of the Church of Donald J. Trump, for they do not ever have to think for themselves again

Blessed are the fearful, for they will not lose elections and will whip up many fearful followers.

Blessed are those who aspire to Patriarchy for their reptilian brains will never sleep and never yield.

“Texans would be without electricity for longer than three days to keep the federal government out of their business.” – Texas Governor Rick Perry, 2/17/21. In this 2014 photo he tours the Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT) facility, which manages the state’s autonomous energy operations. Photo from Governor Rick Perry on Flickr.

Blessed are those who think compassion is for sissies for they will never have to forgive others or sacrifice for others.

Blessed are those who declare they never take responsibility for their actions, for they are operating in the way of their Master (Donald J. Trump).

Blessed are those whose god is Donald J. Trump, for they need never be bothered about the common good or justice that derives from it again.

Blessed are those who sell their souls for peanuts, for they have achieved a real bargain.

See Matthew Fox, Sins of the Spirit, Blessings of the Flesh: Transforming Evil in Soul “and Society

Also see Matthew Fox, The Hidden Spirituality of Men.

Banner Image: Grand Ballroom, Mar-a-lago. Photo by sergio_leenen on Flickr.

Do you recognize a certain satire in this effort to name the new “Beatitudes” in town?  Do you see that as an effective way to laugh at folly and move beyond it?  Why or why not?

The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine

To awaken what Fox calls “the sacred masculine,” he unearths ten metaphors, or archetypes, ranging from the Green Man, an ancient pagan symbol of our fundamental relationship with nature,  to the Spiritual Warrior….These timeless archetypes can inspire men to pursue their higher calling to connect to their deepest selves and to reinvent the world.
“Every man on this planet should read this book — not to mention every woman who wants to understand the struggles, often unconscious, that shape the men they know.” — Rabbi Michael Lerner, author of The Left Hand of God

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4 thoughts on “Good News! New and Alternative Beatitudes from the CODJT”

  1. Avatar

    I have been enjoying your prophetic voice, and it is much milder than those of the Hebrew scriptures. Irony and satire shed light on the truth in special ways. Humor is always necessary, in my opinion.

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