Remembering My Mother and Brother Nat

Last week I shared stories of my oldest brother Tom who passed on and a little bit about my brother Nat who passed on four days later.  I thank all those who sent prayers and condolences. 

It seems fitting here to tell some more about Nat but also about my mother who died at 89 and in a very creative way as I tell in my creativity book. Her energy was amazing and so was her common sense.  Even though she had seven children in ten years, she was not a “super mom” but made room for her own development.  She took two hours to herself every day whether to read or meet with a friend or play tennis, swim, bicycle, etc.

I remember her taking us all to the park with a zoo several miles from our home when we were young.  We did not have a car, but we had a big wagon and we would take turns pulling it with the younger ones inside. 

She would often have us kids baby sit one another.  When Tom was about three years old he was changing Nat’s diapers and one day Nat was fussy all day long.  Near the end of the day, they discovered that Tom had pinned Nat’s diaper to his flesh.

Mom read up a storm, and despite having lost an eye in a car accident at 42 years of age, she still read voraciously right up to the time of her death. 

When television came along—we were the last in the neighborhood to get a TV set—she insisted it go in the basement because she felt TV would 1) interfere with meaningful living room conversations and 2) compete with kids’ reading.  We once counted 12 magazines that the family subscribed to ranging from Popular Mechanics to Boy’s Life (a Boy Scout magazine) to Time, Saturday Evening Post and Ladies Home Journal.

Friendship meant a lot to my mother. She belonged to a book club, sewing club, bridge club, etc. and had friends of many diverse interests and backgrounds.  It was she who proposed that we rent out a room in our home for a foreign graduate student attending the University of Wisconsin.  Thus, I spent my teen age years living next door to a Singh from India; an atheist from Yugoslavia; a former bull fighter from Venezuela, etc. 

I learned early that the world is not all white or Christian or Catholic or the same.  In fact, it was rich and alive and interesting and varied.  An adventure, therefore.

Regarding my brother Nat, let me share a letter we received from Nat’s mentor, a renowned engineer who was his professor at Iowa State University.  He wrote this letter to my brother Mike when he heard of Nat’s death last week.

Dear Michael,

Thanks so much for your kind letter.  Nat indeed was special.  He came to Ames a week early because he had heard good things about R.L. Handy and wanted me for his major professor.  He said that one of his goals was to someday invent something, which he certainly did.  He formed his own business and started research in his own back yard.  His invention, called Geopiers, soon became the fastest growing new foundation method in the world.  How is that for realizing a goal?  There are Geopier foundations in Ames.

Nat was briefly employed as a geotechnical engineer, then formed his own business.  He then started research in his own back yard and came up with a novel foundation design called Geopiers.  They consist of rammed aggregate piers that are less expensive and more effective than concrete, and soon became the fastest growing foundation method in the world.  He kept me informed and arranged for me to visit installations in Africa and China.  I had some really good students, but the best was Nat Fox.  He really did invent something.  Thanks so much for your very kind letter.

With best personal regards,

R.L Handy

See Matthew Fox, Confessions of a Post-denominational Priest, pp. 23-25, 49-69.

And Fox, Creativity: Where the Divine and the Human Meet, pp. 218-220.

Banner Image: Matthew Fox’s family. Top L-R: siblings Nat and Terry, father George and mother Beatrice, Tim (Matt), and Tom. Bottom, L-R: Roberta, Mike, Tricia. Photo from the Fox family collection.

Queries for Contemplation

What are you most grateful for from your parents and siblings?  How often do we call that up and share it with others?

Recommended Reading

Confessions: The Making of a Post-Denominational Priest (Revised/Updated Edition)

Matthew Fox’s stirring autobiography, Confessions, reveals his personal, intellectual, and spiritual journey from altar boy, to Dominican priest, to his eventual break with the Vatican. Five new chapters in this revised and updated edition bring added perspective in light of the author’s continued journey, and his reflections on the current changes taking place in church, society and the environment.
“The unfolding story of this irrepressible spiritual revolutionary enlivens the mind and emboldens the heart — must reading for anyone interested in courage, creativity, and the future of religion.”
—Joanna Macy, author of World as Lover, World as Self

Creativity: Where the Divine and Human Meet

Because creativity is the key to both our genius and beauty as a species but also to our capacity for evil, we need to teach creativity and to teach ways of steering this God-like power in directions that promote love of life (biophilia) and not love of death (necrophilia). Pushing well beyond the bounds of conventional Christian doctrine, Fox’s focus on creativity attempts nothing less than to shape a new ethic.
“Matt Fox is a pilgrim who seeks a path into the church of tomorrow.  Countless numbers will be happy to follow his lead.” –Bishop John Shelby Spong, author, Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism, Living in Sin