There is a grief ritual that I can heartily recommend at this time of profound distress and dread and even doom. But also potential grace.
I received it as a gift years ago from a shaman friend when I was going through a profound grief experience. Remember that grief has three layers to it: First is anger. (Just yesterday someone asked in the Comments section: “What do I do with my rage?”) This practice gives rage and anger its due in a way that does not hurt anyone.
The second—and deeper—layer of grief is sorrow. This practice empties the soul and takes you there also.
And the third layer of grief is letting go and moving on.
Here is the practice. Get a hand drum and beat it daily for fifteen minutes while letting whatever sounds want to come out from your third chakra, your gut, which is where we keep our grief and anger and also where compassion begins. Do not edit these sounds.
The genius in this is that you can beat the drum as hard as you want and you are hurting no one. You are “riding the horse (the drum’s hide) into the land of grief.”
Once when I was employing this practice, I ended up in a circle of Native American women who were grieving. I said to them, “you have more to grieve about than I do” and one spoke up and said to me, “if your heart is broken, stay. You only have one heart.”
This taught me two things: 1) Grieving is not a competition. It is not about “mirror, mirror on the wall, who is grieving the most of all.” 2) Grieving is utterly and universally human. It is one of the dimensions of our common humanity. We need to honor it.
This practice works. It is wise. And ancient. Fifteen minutes a day. You will know when your grieving time is enough so that you can move beyond.
Good action follows good grieving. Go to work to do what you can to interfere with the forces of fascism and defenders and disseminators of fascism in the media and other places of power in our time and culture.
I also recommend art as meditation to get your anger out and to grieve. Dance, paint, do clay, garden, sing, do breath work, do poetry. All this is prayer, a radical response to life. All of it honors your deepest truth and deepest feelings which must be acknowledged in order to prepare you to go into the deep work of interfering and serving others.
Recently, this wonderful poem came my way written by Leon Wieseltier, from his book, Kaddish and scanned by Meg Wheatley to read as a poem. It speaks to the practice of Letting Go that Meister Eckhart is so fond of advising, the Via Negativa. He tells us, “we sink eternally from letting go to letting go into the One.”
Sink, So As To Rise
There are circumstances that must shatter you;
And if you are not shattered, then you have not understood your circumstances.
In such circumstances, it is a failure for your heart not to break.
And it is pointless to put up a fight, for a fight will blind you to the opportunity that has been presented by your misfortune.
Do you wish to persevere pridefully in the old life?
Of course you do: the old life was a good life.
But it is no longer available to you. It has been carried away, irreversibly.
So there is only one thing to be done.
Transformation must be met with transformation.
Where there was the old life, let there be the new life.
Do not persevere.
Dignify the shock.
Sink, so as to rise.
See Matthew Fox, Confessions: The Making of a Postdenominational Priest, pp. 128f., 369-371.
And Fox, “Path Two: Letting Go and Letting Be,” in Passion For Creation: The Earth-Honoring Spirituality of Meister Eckhart, pp. 166-292.
And Fox, “Path II: Letting Go and Letting Be, Via Negativa,” in Fox, Meditations with Meister Eckhart, pp. 35-64.
And Fox, Prayer: A Radical Response to Life.
Banner Image: “Praying Hands.” Photo by WSilver on Flickr.
Queries for Contemplation
At a time of great rupture and grief, it is so important that we learn to grieve. How do the practices recommended here work for you? Have they worked for you in the past also?
Recommended Reading
Confessions: The Making of a Post-Denominational Priest (Revised/Updated Edition)
Matthew Fox’s stirring autobiography, Confessions, reveals his personal, intellectual, and spiritual journey from altar boy, to Dominican priest, to his eventual break with the Vatican. Five new chapters in this revised and updated edition bring added perspective in light of the author’s continued journey, and his reflections on the current changes taking place in church, society and the environment.
“The unfolding story of this irrepressible spiritual revolutionary enlivens the mind and emboldens the heart — must reading for anyone interested in courage, creativity, and the future of religion.”
—Joanna Macy, author of World as Lover, World as Self
Passion for Creation: The Earth-Honoring Spirituality of Meister Eckhart
Matthew Fox’s comprehensive translation of Meister Eckhart’s sermons is a meeting of true prophets across centuries, resulting in a spirituality for the new millennium. The holiness of creation, the divine life in each person and the divine power of our creativity, our call to do justice and practice compassion–these are among Eckhart’s themes, brilliantly interpreted and explained for today’s reader.
“The most important book on mysticism in 500 years.” — Madonna Kolbenschlag, author of Kissing Sleeping Beauty Goodbye.
Meditations with Meister Eckhart: A Centering Book
A centering book by Matthew Fox. This book of simple but rich meditations exemplifies the deep yet playful creation-centered spirituality of Meister Eckhart, Meister Eckhart was a 13th-century Dominican preacher who was a mystic, prophet, feminist, activist, defender of the poor, and advocate of creation-centered spirituality, who was condemned shortly after he died.
“These quiet presentations of spirituality are remarkable for their immediacy and clarity.” –Publishers Weekly.
Prayer: A Radical Response to Life
How do prayer and mysticism relate to the struggle for social and ecological justice? Fox defines prayer as a radical response to life that includes our “Yes” to life (mysticism) and our “No” to forces that combat life (prophecy). How do we define adult prayer? And how—if at all—do prayer and mysticism relate to the struggle for social and ecological justice? One of Matthew Fox’s earliest books, originally published under the title On Becoming a Musical, Mystical Bear: Spirituality American Style, Prayer introduces a mystical/prophetic spirituality and a mature conception of how to pray. Called a “classic” when it first appeared, it lays out the difference between the creation spirituality tradition and the fall/redemption tradition that has so dominated Western theology since Augustine. A practical and theoretical book, it lays the groundwork for Fox’s later works.
“One of the finest books I have read on contemporary spirituality.” – Rabbi Sholom A. Singer
6 thoughts on “Grief Rituals for a Time of Rupture, Distress & Rising Fascism”
When the nation, partly, narrowly, got tired of Donald Trump over 4 years ago, it is then that the Democrats stopped listening to the entire populace. They carried on as if life in the President’s office would have no end. It was just not the election alone, but 4 years of not seeing the signs and dealing with them. That is what needs to be grieved over.
What was not being listened to that brought the ‘other side’ to victory?
* A open door immigration policy that let in hundreds of thousands (or more) of illegal immigrants per year at taxpayer expense.
* A proclaimed ‘Black Madonna’ who supports unimpeded abortion as if it is a form of birth control. Not even the Catholics buy into this and was the basis of the Pope saying that one should vote for the lesser of two evils.
* The environment as a non-issue in the vote and unparalleled support of every environmental measure no matter what the cost, even though all scientific measures and forecasts are not absolute.
* A cognitive challenged President that was forced to give up the reigns at the last moments of his term.
In the spiritual world we need ‘new ears’ to hear. In the physical world we need new ears to hear and be able to read the signs of pending misfortune as well. That should be the basis of our grief. – BB.
“In the physical world we need new ears to hear and be able to read the signs of pending misfortune as well. That should be the basis of our grief….”
My shock/grief is that Trump won in spite of pumping up his base by publicly fantasizing the execution of Liz Cheney and grossly trashing Harris. Like Putin, Trump feels totally free to target the opposition, Alexei Navalny, ,whose wife Yulia bravely carries on his mission……..
Trump had 4 years to fix the border& didn’t, he even killed recent biprtisan bill to fix it. “A proclaimed ‘Black Madonna’ who supports unimpeded abortion as if it is a form of birth control.” What? Roe is not anything like that. No one who supports a woman’s right to choose thinks like that or proclaims it. We are not like that! The same people who want bans, also want to end or restrict birth control!! Majority of abortions are early and any late term abortions involve invioble fetuses or threaten mom’s life. Abortion bans are now killing women, they can’t get treatment for miscarriages, they suffer for days, some die, or lose fertility due to sepsis. Thousands are forced to carry their rapists babies. I have been raped & anyone who would make a girl or woman carry rapist’s baby, has no compassion. Period. The government should not be involved in a woman’s choice about what to do with her body, that is between her, her doctor and her faith. Joe Biden has passed more beneficial law than anyone since FDR, have some respect. And unlike Trump, Joe doesn’t talk about Hannibal Lecter in rambling word salad rants about famous golfer’s penises, schools doing sex change surgeries & calling citizens vermin.
Thank you Matthew for acknowledging the profound grief we all feel and the spiritual suggestions and prayers you shared in today’s DM to help Us cope with our grief and prepare for the challenging times ahead personally and communally during this dark night here in Our Sacred Mother Earth with one another using Our Faith and prayers.
Personally, my Faith informs me that God’s Spirit of Divine Love with All Its Fruits and Gifts are Always within, through, among Us in Our Eternal Souls in the Sacred Process of the ETERNAL PRESENT MOMENT within Our LOVING DIVERSE and EVOLVING ONENESS in All Spiritual Dimensions….
Thank you, Mathew for the grieving ritual and the “Kaddish”. Our hearts our broken, we feel anger, sorrow, and despair as we face the next chapter of Our country. I am praying that all of us will find our best angels and show up, including Donald Trump and his cronies. You are a sweet comfort of hope and light, always a steady beacon. Thank you with all my heart.
These times are a gift to us. We can do this. We can make the world a better place. We can make friends instead of enemies. It’s time for a new dance. Your daily meditations are fertile ground…
Thank you for all your DM, especially today’s!
Big Love to all of us
Wise words from today’s meditation. Intense anger the last few days is moving to sorrow – sorrow for our nation, for the planet. The election has blatantly exposed that fear, lies, and us-against-them is what sells, while truth, compassion and the common good take a back seat. Increasingly our nation seems addicted to unscrupulous media and malleable by forces that appeal to the darker aspects of human nature. How to move to transformation? Perhaps moving further into the darkness will allow the light of truth to shine more brightly.
Jesus faced an even greater challenge, and responded not by condemning or hating, but the opposite, and set an example that has endured through the ages. If we allow it..