Mark, a commentator on these DMs, was underlining, the day before yesterday, that we need a sacred union between the feminine and the masculine in order to move forward. This is precisely the main argument of Matthew Fox’s book The Hidden Spirituality of Men. The book deals with men because it is written by a man and because men are most in need of change. But it never sways from its main thrust: the sacred union between the two principles within each individual.
Mark continued, saying: one way this manifests is in the rise of trans and non-binary folks. I agree that such emergence is a spiritual sign which especially challenges those — gays and straights — who are strongly identified with one pole of the continuum, whether the masculine or the feminine, and are afraid of moving even a bit toward the center.
Fear and shame seem to me the main energies which fuel the polemics around gender. As spiritual folks, even before engaging in any battle, we are called to work deeply on such energies within us. In fact, unless we know them and how they work inside us, we are bound to project our frustrations and anger on the outside.
As we want to bring about a new and different way to be gendered people in the world, we cannot simply take sides in the present fights. Let me clarify: of course we must always take sides for the oppressed and against the oppressor. But we are also called to think and experience personally each argument that is put forward in debates.
Moving beyond polarization on gender can be a great resource for the global human society at this time. Yet, if it becomes just a political banner, the spiritual power of such a move is highly diminished. While we fight for equal rights — an unending battle in Western society — we should recognize that there is something even deeper at stake.
Indeed, this is not just a question touching trans people and non-binary people. It involves us all. In a sense, we are called to become spiritually non-binary. We don’t have to lose our identification as men or women — if that is what is comfortable and rings true — but we are given the chance to integrate within ourselves, in our own individual way, the energies of the opposite pole.
I recognize that my phrases here remain quite abstract. I learned from Matthew Fox’s book A Spirituality Named Compassion that the overcoming of dualisms such as male/female is not something that you can do rationally while sitting in your armchair. It’s not a matter of reasoning only, but of feelings, memories, attitudes, fears, hopes, constraints, habits. Most especially, there is not one single way of doing it. Each has their own.
The desire for integration of the male and female energies has a long history. I have written, for example, of the quite ambitious attempt set up by Bernard of Clairvaux in the 12th century, which was, however, fraught with ambiguities to say the least (see my August 13, 2026 DM). What interests me is the fact that this particular quest is not new, and surely it is not just a product of the present political environment.
In our next retreat in the Italian Alps — scheduled for 17-24 June 2027 — the facilitators will be people who identify as women, as non-binary, and as men. Our points of reference will range from the historical to the contemporary, including issues of gender trauma and mystical visions. The spaces themselves will be imbued with the history of pilgrims who most certainly were seeking some kind of inner integration.
The writings of C.G.Jung on anima and animus, and their revision as found in Matthew Fox’s writings, will be at the core of our spiritual enterprise. It will be a delight — I am sure — to listen to Matthew’s lecture on the topic, and to be able to engage with him directly.
The work will be intense, but plenty of chances will be given this time to spend time by oneself in nature. It’s going to be eight fabulous days.
Banner Image: The archetypal marriage of sun and moon. Detail of a woodcut print on paper by Grataroli, Guglielmo & Morienus , 1610. Wikimedia Commons. Public Domain.
Queries for Contemplation
What are your fears or uneasiness around the topic of overcoming the male/female opposition within yourself? How do you confront such feelings?
Related Readings by Matthew Fox
The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine
A Spirituality Named Compassion: Uniting Mystical Awareness with Social Justice
Alessandra Belloni, foreword by Matthew Fox, Healing Journeys with the Black Madonna
Original Blessing: A Primer in Creation Spirituality
The Physics of Angels: Exploring the Realm Where Science & Spirit Meet
Charles Burack, ed., Matthew Fox: Essential Writings on Creation Spirituality
Christian Mystics: 365 Readings & Meditations
Creativity: Where the Divine and Human Meet
4 thoughts on “Hieros Gamos, Sacred Union”
I recently began participating in a men’s group that meets every two weeks. While preparing for my second visit, I noticed a gnawing anxiety that I couldn’t quite understand. On the drive there (about 90 minutes) I kept feeling like I wanted to turn around and go home. Ultimately I realized that my anxiety was simple – I was afraid of men. All of them.
All my life I’ve enjoyed both typically masculine and feminine activities, I’m not into sports, but I was a carpenter. I write poetry and paint and draw and sing. I know how to crochet. I used to love working in the woods putting up 10 cords of wood each winter. I’ve killed farm animals for food. I’ve baked a soufflé. I never drew lines for myself, but others sure did.
I spent years and years being teased and not fitting in, in either the straight world or the gay world. In fact gay men were worse! This caused me to retreat and I learned to hide myself.
When I got to my second men’s group meeting, I told the men there how I felt. The love that I felt coming back to me was overwhelming and I nearly burst into tears. And just like that my anxiety and fear around men disappeared.
Currently I’m working daily to integrate the masculine and feminine archetypes into my spirituality, including embarking on a seven month sacred rose path just yesterday! It will wrap up just before our trip to Italy. 🙂
“ We are called to become spiritually non-binary. We don’t have to lose our identification as men or women — if that is what is comfortable and rings true — but we are given the chance to integrate within ourselves, in our own individual way, the energies of the opposite pole. “
I very much believe this to true and the evidence of spiritual maturity.
Well said GG !
From a traditional married hetero male – Mark you are a remarkable human.
Blessings to you.
I welcome the restoration of all facets of myself, especially the ones I was taught to suppress to create a more “palatable” version of “me” while navigating societal expectations. I welcome it all back, allowing each part to find its place of coherence within the constellation of who I am.
What a great opportunity to explore this further in the Italian Alps! These powerful earth energy locations drew us long before organized religion. Having attended last year in Sardinia, I was blessed to witness the sacred moments and interior growth we shared. I experienced profound breakthroughs and saw many others reacquaint with long-forgotten parts of themselves.
Gianluigi is an incredible facilitator on this journey. He and his team lead with open hearts, ensuring everyone is looked after. Each segment was led by beautiful souls sharing wisdom to help us remember our own. The sessions with Matthew were illuminating. It was a great experience to share that spiritual container with him and receive the grace of his teachings.
It was also a great time with wonderful people exploring the land and spirituality. Lifelong friendships were made, and I look forward to new ones on this next journey together.
What an initiation into the depths within ourselves—I can’t wait to see what evolves.
I do not feel the male-female opposition within myself, but thanks to Creation Spirituality I’ve become more aware of the destructive effects of the spiritually unbalanced patriarchal values of power, duality, anthropocentrism, social injustices. racism, greed, control, misogyny, ecocide… in human history and dangerously worse in modern civilization threatening the extinction of our human species. Humanity personally and communally needs to be open to the Divine Feminine Spirit of Love Wisdom Justice Oneness within and among Us in Our Human~Divine Evolution along with Beautiful Sacred Mother Earth/Her living creatures/Her graceful abundance, All physical/non-physical Spiritual dimensions/Beings, in Our Living Sacred Evolving Co-Creation Cosmos…