All religions deal in some way with life after death. I dedicate a chapter to this in my book, One River, Many Wells: Wisdom Springing From Global Faith Traditions.
Indigenous religions often speak of the ancestors and deliberately call them in when they pray. Christianity talks of the “communion of saints.”
But here I ask the question about individuals we know and love—do they actually communicate with us after they pass on? Allow me to share a personal story from Nancy Abrams, wife of Joel Primack, the renowned astrophysicist with whom she wrote two books. Her third book is solo, A God That Could Be Real.*
Nancy had the courage and chutzpah to share the following story at the Celebration of Life service that I wrote about in a recent DM. She came to our monthly Order of the Sacred Earth meeting this past Tuesday (all are invited, we meet on line the last Tuesday of each month), where she shared the story again.
I asked her afterwards if I might share it on the DM and this was her reply: I think you should definitely show the three galaxies to people! They’re such a challenge to our sense of reality. I’ll attach the photo and what I said about them at the end of the eulogy.
And so, with Nancy’s permission, I share her story here from her eulogy at her husband’s memorial service.
We are all hard-headed scientists here but let me tell you what happened a few days ago. I walked into the laundry room with a basket of dirty clothes and stopped short when I saw the washing machine. This was the washing machine (see photo at left).
Dust had formed into three galaxies in different stages of formation. Joel was a world expert on galaxy formation. I had not been in this room for days, no one else had been in the house, and the only window was shut. What could have caused this? I could not imagine.
One scientist-friend suggested the spin cycle could have caused it. I ran a load of laundry on the same cycle to see if the spin cycle moved dust on the lid of the machine. It did not. The galaxies were exactly the same. After several more loads, the galaxies have not changed at all. This experiment in my mind rules out the theory that the spin cycle created them, so I have no explanation.
I sent the photo to my daughter, and she reminded me that one of Joel’s favorite sayings was a line from Sherlock Holmes: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
So – to all you scientists out there: I am absolutely open to a convincing theory of what caused this. But I will say, if ever there were a message from Joel, this would be it. And just in time for his memorial so he could also reach out to you.
The great irony is that when he was alive, Joel would have been the last person to believe a message was possible. But if it is possible, Joel would quickly figure out how to do it.
I told Nancy, “I love your commentary and your challenge to scientists about it too…. I like your feistiness in taking on what can be uncurious and frozen thinking even among scientists. Theologians don’t have a monopoly on dogmatic beliefs it seems….”
Is talk of the “ancestors” and the “communion of saints” based on actual experiences like that of Nancy Abrams?
*Nancy’s musical Substack is at nancyellenabrams.substack.com; see also http://agodthatcouldbereal.com and http://nancyellenabrams.com
Banner Image: A beam of winter solstice sunrise light penetrates the Neolithic passage tomb of Newgrange to illumine a mystic triple spiral deep within. Leinster, Ireland. Photo by Warren LeMay on Flickr.
Queries for Contemplation
Have you had communication from others after they passed? If so, what form of communication did it take? What did it mean for you? For others?
Related Readings by Matthew Fox
Chapter 16: “Dying, Resurrection, Reincarnation,” in One River, Many Wells: Wisdom Springing from Global Faiths, pp. 335-376.
Christian Mystics: 365 Readings & Meditations
Original Blessing: A Primer in Creation Spirituality
The Coming of the Cosmic Christ: The Healing of Mother Earth and the Birth of a Global Renaissance
Sheer Joy: Conversations with Thomas Aquinas on Creation Spirituality
Passion For Creation: The Earth-Honoring Spirituality of Meister Eckhart
Julian of Norwich: Wisdom in a Time of Pandemic—and Beyond
13 thoughts on “Do Ancestors Connect To Us After Death? A Story From Nancy Abrams”
“We die with the dying:
See, they depart, and we go with them.
We are born with the dead:
See, they return, and bring us with them.
. . .
And what the dead had no speech for, when living,
They can tell you, being dead: the communication
Of the dead is tongued with fire beyond the language of the living.”
T. S. Eliot, Little Gidding
The morning after I got news that my friend chuck had died I was sitting with my coffee and it hit me hard.
Immediately I felt a pat on top of my head and looking up I saw a Buddha Chuck receding into the blue.
He said “it’s okay baby “
This lucid moment gives me faith to this day
My husband of 60 years passed in August 2025. A month later, I began “hearing” songs in my mind that I hadn’t heard for many years. They were songs we’d listened in the early years of our marriage. I looked up the lyrics for them and discovered loving messages in them! One day I proceeded to print the lyrics to the song, “I Know I’ll Never Find Another You.” In the printing, a photo of me taken when we were in Mexico 10 years ago came up at the top of the printed page! How did it get there? I have no idea! The experience has brought me comfort and the belief of my husband’s and my loving relationship in a different form.
My grandmother and I were exceptionally close. After she died several times I experienced the feeling of her presence next to me. At one point, I was debating whether to do something that I felt OK about, but that I knew a number of other people would not. I felt her presence saying that it was OK. Right after this, the phone rang and I had to give my decision. After a few weeks, I had a dream in which she was leaving to get on with her destinyand I never experienced her presence again after that.
My brother died suddenly four years ago. The next day a Sikh friend mentioned to me that, though “dead”, he was in shock. I went into the temple and called out to my brother letting him know that he had died and that all was well. I was struck by how tangible his presence was. I told him to look to the Light. He understood. A short time later I returned to the temple and again felt his presence although he was much more calm. He wanted me to inform his wife what had happened, as if she did not know! It felt strange sending my sister-in-law an email about what had occured in the temple but the experience had been so strong and tangible that I felt I had to send it in honor of my brother. About 30 minutes later, after sending the email, I returned to the temple and felt my brother in the deepest repose and joy he had ever known. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law informed me that my email regarding this contact with my “deceased” brother had been enormously soothing to her. I am in no doubt that only the physical body “dies”.
What beautiful stories this morning💗thank you Matthew and the team for having such a platform to enrich our lives.
Meg
Yes, I have experienced communication from a dear friend who died by suicide 36 years ago. Shortly after her death a mutual close friend of hers and myself met to grieve her death. In the house in which we stayed two things happened that I know were communication from our dear friend. In the middle of the night, the smoke alarm went off. We both kind of struggled to figure out how to shut it off and finally went back to bed. A short while later the water pipe leading to the washer in the laundry room broke and started spraying water all over. My friend figured out some kind of way to shut off the water, while I just stood around saying “oh my God”. We knew it was our friend. At the time we thought she was telling us to stop being so sad and get on with living. In the years since, I am not as sure of that. Maybe she was just saying she was there with us.
I will share a dream I had after the death of my husband.
My husband, Bud, and I were on a train traveling together. At one point, I didn’t know where he had gone. I looked around and went to the other cars, but he could not be found.
The train stopped, and I got off. It was a small community. I saw someone I knew and asked if he would call Bud, since I didn’t have my phone. He called, but there was no answer. I asked if he would try again, so he did. Bud answered, and Joe gave the phone to me. I asked Where are you. He replied I had to get off, Jack I asked again, and he said the same thing. I said to him How could you leave me, you jackass.
Another interesting thing about Joe in the dream, a few months later, Joe passed on. Bud and Joe were childhood friends.
Yes. As a 5 year old, going on 6, I awoke to a luminescent form gazing lovingly at me in the approximate size/shape of my beloved Opa, a Kierkegaard scholar, pastor & professor. He had passed that afternoon. I had not heard the news yet then. I realized it was perhaps a ghost and I pinched myself-but was awake; pulled covers over my head and prayed. But was too curious and peeked out. It turned, somewhat sadly, paused over my little brothers crib, then moved down the hall to pause outside my parents bedroom before vanishing as it moved away. I did not speak of this for decades, when I made the connection that this was likely him.
“Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.”
John O’Donohue,
For Grief, from To Bless the Space Between Us
My mother walked through my room the night she died but before I had been told she had died. Saying, “It’s all fine now.” Just after I turned out the light. I found I did not have to mourn her passing. Everything was ok.
Thank you DM team for reminding us of our living spiritual realms/dimensions and beings who are always eternally with us…
My mother spoke to a man after he died. She was on the edge of sleep, just before waking, when she saw and spoke to a man she recognized as a friend’s brother (whom she had not seen in years). He recognized her and spoke her name. She asked where he was and he said there was supposed to be a family reunion but no one else was there. Later she spoke to her friend who verified that the man had died about the time my mother saw him, and that he had intended to go to the reunion if he had not died.
The March/April 2023 issue of Unity Magazine has an article by Rev. Maggy Whitehouse, “Ashes to Ashes”, relating her experience communicating with the spirit of a dead man during his funeral.